Thinking about rest

Being more and doing less

I first published this essay in August last year, but I’m sharing it again before I go away for vacation next week. New posts should appear in your inbox while I am away. Wishing you some time for rest this week!

Over a couple of weeks that felt like a lull from the frequent busyness of summer, I started thinking more about rest. I feel certain that I’ve written about rest here before, but maybe more along the lines of trusting yourself to know what you need, letting go of achievement and perfection, and the cycles of living that bring us from busy to quieter times.

I think about rest a lot, especially when I feel like I haven’t had enough of it. In the times when I am needed often or trying to accomplish things that are important to me while keeping up with obligations, I often think I just need a break. I’ve gotten used to rest as relief, falling onto my bed and closing my eyes to soak up some silence, time to relax while reading a book, a morning or part of the day when I can do what I need and want to. A rare oasis in contrast to being needed or needing to accomplish as much as I can.

When I can weave rest into my days, a calming strand wrapped among making meals, weeding the garden, helping with projects, throwing in a load of laundry, driving to do errands, grocery shopping, or writing, it can feel a little bit uncomfortable to be doing less and resting more. In my mind, the illusion that I am a useful, productive citizen begins to unravel. This learned sense of worth that is earned from busyness and fatigue proves I am doing enough and spending my time in ways that can be explained to others as “busy!”But, I am doing enough (or more than enough) can easily be equated with I am enough.

As a person who does very little paid work and relies my husband’s income, it is easy to feel like rest and caring for my family doesn’t get me closer to a page in the catalog of women who are doing meaningful work to make the world a better place. You might ask why I can talk about and ponder the idea and importance of rest when I don’t have to focus on what can be a grind, a scramble, a struggle to earn income to support myself and my family. I think about this often, but, for now, I want to focus on the ways we can disconnect how hard we work or how busy we are from our value as humans.

If you are not an over thinker like me, Congratulations! Enjoy your rest without a side of self doubt or guilt. If you find it hard to relax and let go before you feel like you will collapse from exhaustion or you have to finish every task before you can turn things off, let’s explore a bit more.

Rest doesn’t have to be doing nothing, lying down, vegging. There are as many ways to refresh and rejuvenate as there are unique humans, but to make this happen, we have to be able to take a break, let go, or make time for something that is not work and busyness. For me, there is almost always something I can do, should do, or want to do but when I let go of the feeling that doing is necessary, I can see slivers of space opening up into ideas, inspiration, or simply feeling more resourced for accomplishing daily tasks. I find that I often need physical rest before I can engage in activities that feel nourishing and supportive but getting outside, connecting with loved ones, or working on a project that is not measured by productivity can also be an alternative to purely being busy.

I do my best to trust my mind and body when they don’t feel ready to work hard and be busy, knowing that rest will allow me to do more later. It is certainly a privilege to be able to do this and I know that for many reasons rest can feel unreachable. If you are seeking more rest in the midst of impossible busyness or overwhelm, consider exploring when and where you can trust that it is possible to let go. You could do just a little less or discern the smallest amount of time that feels do-able to take a few deep breaths, drink some water, pause for a moment or several.

As much as I’ve learned that rest is essential to fuel everything else that I need and want to do, I still feel, most of the time, that it should be deserved. But instead of work hard, play hard, can we remember that work isn’t the only important thing and hard isn’t the only approach that matters. What about soft, thoughtful, playful, thorough, enthusiastic, supportive, reliable, spontaneous, zesty, exuberant, cautious, creative, satisfied? There are so many other ways to be, no matter what you are doing or not doing.

In my wobbly uncertain way I can provide an example of taking time to do very little, to make time for things I enjoy that aren’t about doing enough. This is an area of unlearning, deschooling, and letting of the expectations and ideas that we’ve absorbed from a lifetime of trying to measure up. It can be equally even more difficult to support and accept that our kids don’t have to be keeping up, reaching milestones, or doing all the time, either. The expectation of constant learning and growth has conditioned us to think we have to measure our lives by what and how much we do.

If we step back and really look at how things are going, does being more and doing less get in the way of any of the things we really want? Do we have to put rest last after everything else is crossed off the list? Many of us haven’t really learned the importance of speaking kindly to ourselves, eating good food, making sure we get plenty of rest and play. Though it can be difficult to practice these seemingly simple forms of caring for ourselves, this is meaningful work.

Warmly,

Anna